Make a pencil staple gun if u can. Go behind people and shoot their necks.
Variation:
Make a rubber band gun. Shoot people many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Elevator Annoying
Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady".....pause.....repeat....continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now... motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it...quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady".....pause.....repeat....continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now... motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it...quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
Bathroom Annoying
Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Cheer and clap loudly every time someoe brekas the silence w/ a bodily function noise.
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
Fill a balloon w/ creamed corn. Rush into the stall w/ your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
Fill up a large flask w/ Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 ft. Sigh relaxingly.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peekaboo!"
Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Say, "Interesting...more floaters than sinkers."
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could
you kick that back over here please?"
Cheer and clap loudly every time someoe brekas the silence w/ a bodily function noise.
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
Fill a balloon w/ creamed corn. Rush into the stall w/ your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
Fill up a large flask w/ Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 ft. Sigh relaxingly.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peekaboo!"
Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Say, "Interesting...more floaters than sinkers."
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could
you kick that back over here please?"
School Annoying
organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
write fake love notes and slip them into people's lockers
if someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the top of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already.
place chalk inside the erasers so the teachers end up putting big 'ol lines across the blackboard.
when you use the bathroom, get a LOT of soap on your hands (If it's the slimy kind), but don't wash it off, just leave goo all over doorknobs, railings, etc.
screaming gibberish in crowded hallways is always good for a laugh.
leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.
ask people to hold your hand when going down the stairs
Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.
Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.
Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action."
Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.
The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.
Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
write fake love notes and slip them into people's lockers
if someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the top of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already.
place chalk inside the erasers so the teachers end up putting big 'ol lines across the blackboard.
when you use the bathroom, get a LOT of soap on your hands (If it's the slimy kind), but don't wash it off, just leave goo all over doorknobs, railings, etc.
screaming gibberish in crowded hallways is always good for a laugh.
leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.
ask people to hold your hand when going down the stairs
Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.
Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.
Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action."
Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.
The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.
Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
General ways to annoy people.
Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
Add blank entries to a list, to make it look like it's longer.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. Then eat raw potatoes.
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
As people talk, smell their shoulders.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
Be "in conference" all the time.
Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways.
Bring 15 things into the dressing room.
Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
Buy it, wear it, return it.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Call every girl you know "dude".
Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonalds.
Call everyone a communist.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
Call someone and ask for someone that you know is not there then hang up. Call again about a half hour latter and ask for the same person then hang up again. Wait another half hour and call again and ask for that person again and then hang up again and wait a hour and call the same number and say that you are the person that you have been calling for and ask if you had any messages.
Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
Call your neighbors collect.
Change Channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Chew on pens/pncils that you've borrowed.
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Claim you are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication - constantly, every time any language is mentioned, even if the comment is not directed to you
Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
Don't leave a message at the beep, just hangup.
Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
dont use any punctuation
Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
Draw mustaches on posters.
Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Drum your fingers during other people's presentations.
Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet.
Eat produce at the market; don't buy it.
E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Every time you see a particular coworker, shout, "So we meet again!" and laugh evilly.
Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
Face the back when standing in an elevator.
Fart in cramped places.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
Finish other people's crossword puzzles
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Flirt with a friend's spouse, lick your lips slowly, wink, etc.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel.
Force everyone to remove their shoes when they enter your office "to prevent contamination."
Forget the pooper scooper.
“Forget” the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
Frantically change the date on people's computers back 50 years, and claim that you are trying to save humanity from the "Year 2000 Bug."
Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
Go up the down escalator.
Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
Hang around national monuments all day, trying to get in other people's vacation photos. Afterwards, give them your address and ask them to send you a print when they get them developed.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads.
Leave pages in the copier.
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April.
Leave the toilet seat up
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Metallica CD in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower.
Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Lie to your therapist.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Make scary faces at babies.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." (Hmmm, I guess our President has already co-opted this idea!)
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Name your dog "Dog."
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.
Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
On buses, attempt to convince the driver to take a really cool short-cut you know. Barter and haggle for your fare.
On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"
only type in lowercase.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Open umbrellas in crowded hallways.
Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Outloud say "What?" and then answer "Never mind. It's gone now."
Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pay tolls with $100 bills
Pee in the swimming pool.
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want.
Place your shoes on the table.
Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
Plead with the person next to you for the window seat on the plane, and then get up fifteen or twenty times during the course of the flight complaining that you should have taken two spoonsful of "The Pink Stuff".
Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."
Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Practice the art of limp handshakes
Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
Pretend you are invisible.
Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
Pretend you're listening.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Put everyone on speakerphone.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Race the old woman for the last bus seat.
Rain on someone's parade.
Read over other people's shoulders on the bus.
Rearrange the keys on associates' keyboards to spell unflattering things about their mothers.
Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
Remove single socks from laundry machines at public laundromats. Replace them bright red scarves which are especially prone to bleeding.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ride a unicycle to work.
Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in.
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you.
Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms outstretched, making airplane noises. Periodically crash into pedestrians and lose a wing. Spiral to a crash and repeat.
Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your agency's programs. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Send emails to listserv when nobody else can
Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures.
Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and Twinkies on Thanksgiving.
Set alarms for random times.
Shake with your left hand.
Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team.
Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass.
Smell smoke often and announce it.
Snap your gum.
Sniffle incessantly.
Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
Start to build a Star Destroyer. Build a mock-up out of popsicle sticks.
Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
Step on the heels of the person in front of you, and ask them to watch where they're going.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
Tailgate the elderly.
Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane
Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
Tape a blank piece of typing paper to your dorm or office door and leave it up for ages; when someone finally writes on it, yell at them and tell them to please not deface your property.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
Tell people that they're "putting on weight nicely."
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.
Tell people they have bad breath.
Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Tell teenagers how things were in your day.
Tell the ending of movies
Throw an Oh Henry in a public pool.
Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
Throw stones at people walking past your house.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Touch strangers.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
Use the last square of toilet paper and do not change the roll.
Vacuum your lawn. (Or preferably somebody else's)
Wait until you get to work to shave.
Walk around at the casino, looking at people's hands and giving them advice loudly. "Wow, that's a GOOD one!" or "Get rid of the nine; you've got a pair of kings!"
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
Wear a lot\of cologne.
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody else's fashion sense.
Wear large hats during the movies.
Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
Wear odd shoes.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
Wear your pants backwards.
When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
When at dinner at a fancy restaurant, keep blowing out the candle in the middle of the table, and blame it on your date.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you.
When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
When riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, “Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?”
When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell "Stop, drop, and roll!"
While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.
While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive and put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Add blank entries to a list, to make it look like it's longer.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. Then eat raw potatoes.
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
As people talk, smell their shoulders.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
Be "in conference" all the time.
Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways.
Bring 15 things into the dressing room.
Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
Buy it, wear it, return it.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Call every girl you know "dude".
Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonalds.
Call everyone a communist.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
Call someone and ask for someone that you know is not there then hang up. Call again about a half hour latter and ask for the same person then hang up again. Wait another half hour and call again and ask for that person again and then hang up again and wait a hour and call the same number and say that you are the person that you have been calling for and ask if you had any messages.
Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
Call your neighbors collect.
Change Channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Chew on pens/pncils that you've borrowed.
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Claim you are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication - constantly, every time any language is mentioned, even if the comment is not directed to you
Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
Don't leave a message at the beep, just hangup.
Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
dont use any punctuation
Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
Draw mustaches on posters.
Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Drum your fingers during other people's presentations.
Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet.
Eat produce at the market; don't buy it.
E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Every time you see a particular coworker, shout, "So we meet again!" and laugh evilly.
Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
Face the back when standing in an elevator.
Fart in cramped places.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
Finish other people's crossword puzzles
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Flirt with a friend's spouse, lick your lips slowly, wink, etc.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel.
Force everyone to remove their shoes when they enter your office "to prevent contamination."
Forget the pooper scooper.
“Forget” the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
Frantically change the date on people's computers back 50 years, and claim that you are trying to save humanity from the "Year 2000 Bug."
Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
Go up the down escalator.
Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
Hang around national monuments all day, trying to get in other people's vacation photos. Afterwards, give them your address and ask them to send you a print when they get them developed.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads.
Leave pages in the copier.
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April.
Leave the toilet seat up
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Metallica CD in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower.
Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Lie to your therapist.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Make scary faces at babies.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." (Hmmm, I guess our President has already co-opted this idea!)
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Name your dog "Dog."
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.
Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
On buses, attempt to convince the driver to take a really cool short-cut you know. Barter and haggle for your fare.
On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"
only type in lowercase.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Open umbrellas in crowded hallways.
Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Outloud say "What?" and then answer "Never mind. It's gone now."
Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pay tolls with $100 bills
Pee in the swimming pool.
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want.
Place your shoes on the table.
Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
Plead with the person next to you for the window seat on the plane, and then get up fifteen or twenty times during the course of the flight complaining that you should have taken two spoonsful of "The Pink Stuff".
Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."
Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Practice the art of limp handshakes
Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
Pretend you are invisible.
Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
Pretend you're listening.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Put everyone on speakerphone.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Race the old woman for the last bus seat.
Rain on someone's parade.
Read over other people's shoulders on the bus.
Rearrange the keys on associates' keyboards to spell unflattering things about their mothers.
Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
Remove single socks from laundry machines at public laundromats. Replace them bright red scarves which are especially prone to bleeding.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ride a unicycle to work.
Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in.
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you.
Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms outstretched, making airplane noises. Periodically crash into pedestrians and lose a wing. Spiral to a crash and repeat.
Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your agency's programs. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Send emails to listserv when nobody else can
Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures.
Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and Twinkies on Thanksgiving.
Set alarms for random times.
Shake with your left hand.
Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team.
Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass.
Smell smoke often and announce it.
Snap your gum.
Sniffle incessantly.
Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
Start to build a Star Destroyer. Build a mock-up out of popsicle sticks.
Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
Step on the heels of the person in front of you, and ask them to watch where they're going.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
Tailgate the elderly.
Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane
Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
Tape a blank piece of typing paper to your dorm or office door and leave it up for ages; when someone finally writes on it, yell at them and tell them to please not deface your property.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
Tell people that they're "putting on weight nicely."
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.
Tell people they have bad breath.
Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Tell teenagers how things were in your day.
Tell the ending of movies
Throw an Oh Henry in a public pool.
Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
Throw stones at people walking past your house.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Touch strangers.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
Use the last square of toilet paper and do not change the roll.
Vacuum your lawn. (Or preferably somebody else's)
Wait until you get to work to shave.
Walk around at the casino, looking at people's hands and giving them advice loudly. "Wow, that's a GOOD one!" or "Get rid of the nine; you've got a pair of kings!"
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
Wear a lot\of cologne.
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody else's fashion sense.
Wear large hats during the movies.
Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
Wear odd shoes.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
Wear your pants backwards.
When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
When at dinner at a fancy restaurant, keep blowing out the candle in the middle of the table, and blame it on your date.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you.
When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
When riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, “Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?”
When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell "Stop, drop, and roll!"
While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.
While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive and put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Comprehensive Guide to Annoyingness- Part Two of Two
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Sniffle incessantly.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ask people what gender they are.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Slap someone every time they say "potato".
Sneeze on people.
Bother people you don't know.
Write a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, long sentence.
Bounce objects off bald guy's heads. (no offense to bald guys :))
Make people believe you're an AOL hacker by having an evil address.
Be really stupid.
Smack people in the face and claim it’s an arm spasm.
Skip numbers in a numbered list.
Yell out "that's gotta hurt" every time that someone dies in a movie.
Talk with a Russian accent.
In the middle of "Men in Black", get up & scream, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!"
When people ask if they can have your phone number (or anything else of yours) say you'll have to talk to your lawyer first.
Ask strangers where babies come from.
Ramble at people in Russian.
Repeatedly give your friends lists of ways to be annoying.
BONUS:
When a door that locks from the inside with a push-bar-- the kind in public places and schools-- that gets propped open to let people through is spotted by your expert annoying eye, make sure you have no business on the other side and then remove the prop and close the door. It will stop traffic or cause people to go around.
-CJS
KEEP ON ANNOYING!
Sniffle incessantly.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ask people what gender they are.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Slap someone every time they say "potato".
Sneeze on people.
Bother people you don't know.
Write a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, long sentence.
Bounce objects off bald guy's heads. (no offense to bald guys :))
Make people believe you're an AOL hacker by having an evil address.
Be really stupid.
Smack people in the face and claim it’s an arm spasm.
Skip numbers in a numbered list.
Yell out "that's gotta hurt" every time that someone dies in a movie.
Talk with a Russian accent.
In the middle of "Men in Black", get up & scream, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!"
When people ask if they can have your phone number (or anything else of yours) say you'll have to talk to your lawyer first.
Ask strangers where babies come from.
Ramble at people in Russian.
Repeatedly give your friends lists of ways to be annoying.
BONUS:
When a door that locks from the inside with a push-bar-- the kind in public places and schools-- that gets propped open to let people through is spotted by your expert annoying eye, make sure you have no business on the other side and then remove the prop and close the door. It will stop traffic or cause people to go around.
-CJS
KEEP ON ANNOYING!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Comprehensive Guide to Annoyingness- Part One of Two
- Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
- Drum on every available surface.
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Ask 800 operators for dates.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks & purses.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "for here".
- Set all alarms in the house for random times.
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
- Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
- Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
- Wear your pants backwards.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
- Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
- Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
- Light road flares on a birthday cake.
- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
- When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
- Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
- Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
- Drive half a block.
- Name your dog "Dog".
- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
- Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Wear a LOT of cologne.
- Ask to "interface" with someone.
- Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
- Sing along at the opera.
- Mow your lawn with scissors.
- At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
- Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
- Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
- Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
- Never make eye contact.
- Never break eye contact.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
- Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
- Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Make appointments for the 31st of September.
- Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
- -CJS
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Type annoyingly
WRITE EVERYTHING IN UPPER CASE!
write everything in lower case
etirw sdrawkcab
spel baddlie
write in bold anditalics
write everything in lower case
etirw sdrawkcab
spel baddlie
write in bold and
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Accents...
It's very annoying to talk in Indian accents, and Asian accents.
It gets people irritated when it's hard for them to understand what you're saying.
It gets people irritated when it's hard for them to understand what you're saying.
Haha, i'm going on a trip
Today, I went to Crystal Cove for a field trip, which was a trip for 25 privileged people out of like 400 people. I made sure to rub that in to the faces of so many people, and of course, that got them annoyed.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
MINE MINE MINE!!!!!
Claim everything is yours...
People get pissed because they just can't seem to get a hold of anything that is yours, and theirs!
People get pissed because they just can't seem to get a hold of anything that is yours, and theirs!
I hate...
If you hate someone, something, constantly repeat that you hate it. Chances are someone will scream at you to shut up. (Thanks to Brandon for annoying me. gave me this idea.)
Notice these blog colors? annoying aren't they?
Notice these blog colors? annoying aren't they?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How much fun it is to annoy...
It is extremely fun to annoy.
It makes other people agitated, and leave you alone.
One common way to annoy people is to eat tons of chocolate, get hyper, and express your feeling for chocolate to the world.
It is popular belief that all short people are annoying, and guess what? THAT"S ENTIRELY TRUE!!!!!!!
Thanks guys for reading this, hope you were annoyed,
ttyl
Annoying Man
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